The Library Scene

[sunspot]

THE LIBRARY SCENE
--

He has to sneak in through the back door (there are more than a few of his brethren who would be rather angry with him if they saw him) but other than that, walking into Heaven is pretty easy. He spends a few minutes visiting the Virgin Mary, who always has a smile and a hug for him, and then Gabriel sets out to find the irritating younger Winchester.

It’s the biggest library Gabriel has ever seen, but it still only takes him ten minutes wandering among the stacks of books to find Sam. He’s lying under a huge, leafy maple tree inexplicably inside the building and underneath a skylight, and thoroughly immersed in a tattered copy of Les Misérables.

“Sam?”

Sam looks up. “Oh, wow, hey!” He smiles easily, holding out a hand to Gabriel.

Gabriel stares at him. “We shake hands? I didn’t think that was something that we did."

Sam keeps looking at him with that goofy smile. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, I guess. You’re not half bad, Gabriel.”

Gabriel snorts. “I’m not half good, either.”

Sam laughs like it’s the funniest thing he’s heard all day. Gabriel laughs too, but only because Sam is kind of ridiculous like this.

“So this is Heaven for you, Sammy, a big outdoor library?”

Sam taps his nose conspiratorially. “And, I’m not wearing any underwear.”

Gabriel opens his mouth to say something that Sam is already sure he doesn’t want to hear, so Sam interrupts. "Jess comes by sometimes, or I visit her. She's right next door, you know. And I see Mom and Dad once a week for dinner and stuff. It's not all books and lounging."

"Yeah, a real social butterfly." Gabriel wanders to the closest shelf of books. They are all famous literary classics and they all looked well loved. He selects one at random and flips it open. "J'aime bien les couchers de soleil. Allons voir un coucher de soleil," he says to Sam. His accent is flawless.

Sam grins his wide, happy grin and stands up. "Sure," he agrees. They wander for a bit, towards nothing special, until they find a bit of horizon that isn't crowded by bookshelves. The sun starts to set, painting the sky with colours.

"So, you see your family and your friends. Do you ever see Dean? Or Castiel?" Gabriel asks.

It's the first time the smile fades from Sam's face. "No," he admits.

"I know."

Silence stretches out between them.

"Why are you here, Gabriel? What deep, meaningful lesson do you have for me this time? Or are you just here to bring me angst?" It's probably Sam's imagination, but the orange of the sunset looks more washed out, faded.

"I'm here to offer you something, Sam. Let's say, in a way, I want to help you."

Sam turns to face him. "What are you talking about?"

Gabriel tucks his hands into his pockets and looks extremely earnest. "Sam, this is going to be hard to say -- but you're never going to see Dean again, not if you stay here."

"What?"

"He's not in Heaven, Sam. He's never going to be in Heaven. He sold his soul for you, remember? When he dies, the only place he can go is back to Hell." Gabriel tells him. He doesn't look at Sam's face.

"But -- That's not fair," Sam protests. "It's not fair, there's gotta be something that you can do--"

"There's only one thing that can be done," Gabriel says softly. "And it's already been done. Dean has been reincarnated, almost twenty years ago. As long as his soul is on earth, no one can lay claim to it -- a small loophole, but a good one. It was Anael's big idea. There are rules about that sort of thing, he wouldn't remember his past life -- not while you were alive, anyway. But everything's changed, Sam, because you're dead now. The terms changed. Dean remembers everything. If I'm not mistaken, he's with Castiel right now. They're having dinner."

For the first time since arriving in this place, Sam feels something that isn't complete tranquility. It's a sharp, hateful needle of rage. This was Heaven, this was Sam's eternal reward for being able to finally redeem his weird, fucked up life, and Gabriel had no right to even be here, let alone be here and be talking to Sam about things he didn't want to hear. "Shut up," he snaps. "Just shut up. I don't know what sort of angle you're playing here, Gabriel, or what the hell is wrong with you, but you need to shut up. I can't hear any more of your bullshit."

Gabriel knows he has every right to get pissed off and start shouting right back, or maybe even throw Sam off a cliff or something, but he doesn't. He stands quietly and waits for Sam to relax a little.

"I've never lied to you, not really," Gabriel reminds him. "I lie all the time, but not to you Sam. I've only ever tried to help you." He holds his hands up deferentially when Sam opens his mouth again. "I will admit my methods were sometimes unconventional. But I like you, Sam, you're good people. And you make my brother happy, which is a plus. So I'm offering to help you, now. I can send you back."

"But I won't remember anything, will I?"

Gabriel is positively gleeful. "Not for a while," he tells Sam. "Dean couldn't access his memories because of a bunch of stupid rules that won't ever apply to you. And that was Dean. For the most part, you'll remember your past lives whenever you're capable of handling it, and dealing with it. Things will be foggy, at first. As a kid you probably won't remember anything, but you'll remember it all eventually. Besides... you guys, your souls are so closely linked that you couldn't be kept apart for very long no matter what; your soul will always drift towards Dean."

Sam swallows and looks pensive, his shoulders hunching in as he frowns contemplatively. "But I'd be -- I'd be giving up Heaven. I wouldn't have Jess or mom or dad or--"

"You'd have Dean," Gabriel says. "And Castiel. He's as bound to you as he is to Dean, but in different ways. I'm pretty sure Castiel will always be able to find you. He's got Winchester spidey-senses. Not that you would be Winchesters anymore, technically." He grins. "So, how about it, Sammy? You ready for your first reincarnation?"

"Uh," Sam says. "First reincarnation? First out of how many, exactly?"

Gabriel thinks for a second, then shrugs. "Infinity, I guess."

It's an absolutely huge decision for anyone to have to make; to choose to spend all of time being born and reborn, dying and dying again. The emotional baggage associated with being a person only once almost destroyed Sam, and the prospect of being a person a hundred times, or a thousand times is enough to make his stomach turn.

Or, at least it should be enough to make his stomach turn.

But the other side of the equation is Dean. Dean and Castiel. And the prospect of having the two people he loves the most in his life for all of eternity...

"Okay." Sam agrees. "Do it. Reincarnate me."

--

There's a proper process to these sorts of things, but due to Gabriel's voluntary exile, he has to avoid bumping into any of his angelic brothers and sisters. It's far easier to just skip the paperwork, to pop Sam's soul into a waiting vessel without filing for a suitable candidate. It's a smart move, especially as he isn't so popular in Heaven and he doesn't want to spend any extra seconds there if he can help it.

Earth was much more fun.

"Okay." He smiles at Sam, throwing an arm around his shoulder. "I'll even bring you right to Castiel."

"So I'm going to be like, a kid again?" Sam asks, anxious. He might actually have a real, actual childhood and that thought is freaking him out a little. He's not quite sure what it would be like, growing up with a mom and a dad and a back yard.

"Something like that," Gabriel agrees, smiling his usual trickster smile.

--